I have had more than one person say this to me during the last few weeks as I have gone through the first stages of testing for PCOS and infertility. I must admit the first time someone said it I didn’t really get it…like ok, be gentle with yourself, what the hell does that even mean? As I have undergone test after test after test and had vial after vial of blood taken, I get it now.
It may mean something totally different to you, but to me, being gentle with myself means that I am letting myself feel whatever it is I need to feel at any given point in time. There is frustration, fear, anxiety, anger, doubt, guilt and at times self-pity. But in learning to be gentle with myself I am finding strength, courage, conviction, empathy, compassion, and love. For me, being gentle with myself is leaning on those around me who offer support and encouragement because I know that I am not alone in all of this even though at times it might feel that way. It is knowing that I am loved and uplifted in prayer and that people are wishing me positive and healing thoughts. More than just knowing these things, it is BELIEVING and ACCEPTING these things.
Some people probably don’t agree with my being so open and candid about this process, it is after all a deeply personal issue however I believe that getting this out not only helps me to deal with my feelings and not internalize everything I think it might also help someone else going through a hard time to know that she (or he) is not alone in their struggles.
I wish that no one ever had to go through the heartache that is infertility however, I am certainly appreciative of anyone who has gone before me and is now offering me support and encouragement as I navigate the mental, emotional and physical roller coaster ride that is finding a diagnosis and then hopefully a treatment plan. I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me with kind words, support and encouragement – you really don’t know how much it has meant to me. ♥