My hubby and I recently celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary, and it got me thinking about just how important the actual relationship between a man and woman in a family is to the family as a whole.
I know a lot of people who are from the school of thought that once their children are born, everything revolves around the kids. The relationship between the husband and wife suffers as a result because inevitably the mom is so wrapped up in being a mom and caring for the kids, house, bills, husband and a million other things that something has to give. Usually it is taking time for herself. When that happens, it is not only affecting her ability to maintain some sense of self, but it affects how well she can maintain all the other roles she must play to keep her family moving forward. From what I hear from other moms, the first thing to be dropped when trying to fit it all in is the WOMAN hat. You know, the part of us that used to take our time to get ready for the day, or a date or whatever. That part of us that was a sensual, sexual being. I mean, really, who has time to shave their legs everyday when you have kids, house, bills, husband..and the list goes on and on!
I have also known women on the other end of the spectrum, those women who take on the role of mom without giving up any part of the ‘old’ them. They don’t have the problem that a lot of women do, they seem to be able to do it all and have it all while losing no part of themselves in the process. They do still manage to shave their legs everyday, and put makeup on and look all put together with perfectly accessorized outfits. Their children and husbands appear to be happy and well cared for, they take amazing vacations, they don’t sweat the small stuff and just live in the now.
The more I think about where I fall on the spectrum between these two (what I see as extremes) the more I think that the best place to be is the middle of the road. I feel like I can still be a great mom if I tell my daughter she is not allowed in my bed. I feel like I can still be a great wife if I don’t shave my legs everyday! I know that the most important gift I can give my daughter is a healthy, happy, loving relationship between me and my hubby.
We have recently been trying to enforce the no kids in the parents bed. I think it is super important that my hubby and I have a space that is completely about us and not about us as parents, but as an adult couple. A place that is just for us to be the sexual beings that we are. Something else I am realizing is that the relationship between me and hubby is something that needs to be treated with great care. Now, maybe I should have really recognized this before we reached 7 years of marriage, but at least I learned it!